Teachings,+Laws+of+social+Power

Laws of Social Power
(Organized from the book: How to win friends and influence people by Dale Carnegie) (Organized and written By Sam)(ael) (Return to Teachings)

**Subjects:** -Listening -Praise and Appreciation -Persuasion -Motivation -Correcting -Arguments and Disagreements -Personal Character -Bag of Tricks -Man's Nature (Extra loose Excerpts)

**__Listening__**: **Rule 1** //How to Listen// You make friends and great conversations by being interested in the other person. Being interested in others makes them interested in you. This can help you attract the attention and time of even the powerful. We all like people who like us. Be a good listener to everyone but especially work on those who will be most useful and most relied upon. -Be interested in the other person -Ask questions that the other person will enjoy answering -Talk about things the other person is interested in -Listen carefully -Do not talk about yourself -Learn to show appreciation for their finer points and give plenty of praise -Sympathize -Use these opportunities to spy and gather valuable information -When a person (Especially a woman) has a problem and tells you about it just listen and sympathize. If they want a solution they will ask for it. They usually just want sympathy, attention, and comfort

**Rule 2** //Diplomacy is the Sovreign Power// People are opportunities for power. Indeed they are the golden road to it. They have the power to make your dreams come true. If they want to. If you don't understand them, and know how to persuade them, you will fail miserably at getting their help. You can only persuade people you thouroughly understand. Their needs, the way their minds work, their weaknesses, their situation. The fastest way to these critical facts is by listening... carefully. Help yourself by being more interested in others than yourself. **Rule 3** //Gaining trust and loyalty// People will listen to you more, and show you great loyalty as a leader, after they feel understood by you. Let them express themselves to you (at least in private). Sympathize. Even if you don't agree.

**Rule 4** //Art of the councilor// Listening and silence can be powerful tools of persuasion. Be letting people first unburden their minds they become ready and willing to hear suggestions. By adding only little prompts and guiding considerations while they work it out in their own minds they will convince themselves, consider it their idea, and consider you a wise councilor.

**Rule 5** By speaking less and listening more you appear to be a deeper individual. Wise and more refined.

**__Praise and Appreciation__**: **Rule 1** //The power to create// All people long to be important and feel appreciated. All people benefit from encouragement and sincere praise. -Give sincere and specific praise -Praise people verbally and in public -Change people by encouraging and appreciating the traits that you like and want in them -Praise even small improvements -Learn the art of giving beautiful, touching, and sincere praise. The kind that people will remember and cherish until the day they die. The kind that changes lives -Learn to appreciate the good in all people and all situations. To brighten people's days

**__Persuasion__**: **Rule 1** First win their hearts and then lead them to believe and change.

**Rule 2** //Talk in terms of their wants and needs// Why talk about what we want? That is childish. Absurd. Of course, you are interested in what you want. You are eternally interested in it. But no one else is. The rest of us are just like you; we are interested in what we want. So the only way on earth to influence other people is to talk about what __they__ want and show them how to get it.

**Rule 3** //Get them to want to do what you want them to// There is only one way to get a person to do something: you must find a way to make them want to do it. Operate on each person't unique psychology and find a way to make them want to do what you want.

**Rule 4** //Channel existing desires and create new ones// Actions spring out of what we fundamentally desire. All people have needs and desires. Channel people's desires to serve your purposes. Better still, create new desires in others and you can have anything you want, molding and shaping the world. You can also work on people's weaknesses. Weakness is just a need or desire that people do not or cannot control. Even better. Glaring insecurities, uncontrollable emotions, Knawing hungers, and desperate wishes.

**Rule 5** //Pose the actions you want from people as solutions to their problems// Everyone has problems and hard decisions to make. Most people feel overwhelmed by them. Worries keep them thouroughly occupied most of the time and leave no room for your suggestions. Offer them a solution that also serves your purposes.

**Rule 6** //Attach importance and prestige to the task you have for them// Make a task or position seem important and people will want to do it. The undesirable qualities melt away under the subtle warmth of the prestige and flattery in the offer.

**Rule 7** //The "Socratic Method"// When there are disagreements or a person needs to be persuaded to your way of thinking ask surefire 'yes' questions that slowly but surely establish your point. In court this is called 'leading the witness' and it works too well. These questions must be easy to say yes to and stupid sounding if they say no. They should Logically establish your point until they have said yes to the point itself. If a person says 'no' to something their pride will force them to remain consistent, even if they are wrong. Avoid the no.

**Rule 8** //The art of the Sage// Gently plant your ideas and let the other person claim them as their own. Leave casual but interesting ideas on the table, not specifically marked as your own. Good ideas up for grabs.

**Rule 9** //The Clasp of Chivalry// Make what you want done seem like the honorable, fair, and just thing to do. Express your absolute confidence that the person is in fact an honorable and fair person and then let them think it over and decide what they want to do. They will make the right choice. Learn to make people see themselves as noble heroes doing what __must__ be done.

**Rule 10** //Attention grabber!// When talking, trying to grab someone's attention, or trying to get something, talk about the thinkgs that they are most interested in. If you want a Job from a gruff employer who loves nothing so much as power tell him you can help him increase his power.

**Rule 11** //Mark of the Aristocracy// Impeccable manners, chivalry, and reagle conduct are the hallmarks of aristocracy. They are quietly impressive and effective. Ask or suggest. Never command or demand.

**__Motivation__**: **Rule 1** //Enthusiasm// The million-dollar skill is the ability to get people to do what you want... Enthusiastically! People succeed at what they enjoy and have fun doing. No one works harder or better than an enthusiastic or determined person. Enthusiasm and determination can form when people feel appreciated, understood, and trusted.

**Rule 2** //Throw down a challenge// People who have spirit want the chance to excel, to win, to prove their self worthy. People excel most when they feel that their work is challenging and exciting. The most successful people are those who have come to love the game itself. Offer them some stimulating competition and they will use it to excel.

**Rule 3** //Give them a name and a reputation// Sometimes people just need some encouragement. Some pride and prestige in their work. Give them a fine name and a reputation to live up to.

**Rule 4** //Marks of honor// A person will put the utmost care into work that they take pride in. Use awards, titles, medals, and public commendations to inspire superb work from others. These honors can send an unstoppable message to people that they are appreciated, that they are the best and then they will become so.

__**Correcting**__: **Rule 1** //Correcting when the other person is wrong// -Let them save face. -Begin with “I may be wrong” or “I was under the impression that”... -Even if they are angry at you and it is not your fault admit that they may be right and then ask them to explain and listen to them. -Handle it gently and tactfully allowing them to admit the mistake first. -Compliment before correcting. It softens the blow. (Do not say “But” use “And”) -Call attention to the mistake indirectly. Find friendly charming ways to point out mistakes and get things into their proper place. -Begin by admitting some of your own mistakes. Correct as a fellow mistake maker. -Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct. -When you are at fault admit it quickly and enthusiastically. -Last resort: either leave them to flounder in denial or rebuke them quickly, clearly, sharply, and then afterwards show love and appreciation.

**Rule 2** Do not criticize or blame. These cause only resentment, resistance, and eventual revenge. You can even criticize others by the way that you speak to them. Be careful. There are other ways to correct.

__**Arguments and Disagreements**__: **Rule 1** -Never argue. -Be the first to admit when you are wrong. Learn the art of admitting your mistakes quickly and enthusiastically. -Welcome the added perspective of the person who does not agree. -Promise to think over your opponent's ideas and study them carefully. Mean it to. You might actually be wrong. -Thank them for their bravery and concern in raising the issue. -Postpone things and give both sides time to think and reconsider.

__**Personal Character**__: **Rule 1** Smile! Choose to be happy! Be energetic, cheerful, and enthusiastic. These are signs of a successful person and they gravitate successful people to you.

**Rule 2** Choose to think and speak positively. Enjoy the positives of life and don't linger on the negative aspects. Eliminate the negatives. Learn to savor life and enjoy every moment.

__**Bag of Tricks**__: **Rule 1** Remember the person's name, face, and a little about them. It is a huge compliment. Honor a person's name.

**Rule 2** “//Get Smart//” Whenever there is a meeting or engagement of some type; be it a class, a job, a party, or a visit to an institution of some type, take a little time to brush up on the facts and history. Study up on the people and places. Study before hand and you will appear very knowledgeable and be able to hold great conversations on the interests of others.

**Rule 3** //Don't explain... Show!// Dramatize your ideas and arguments. Make a show of it and use dramatic devices to bolster your presentation and make your point.

**Rule 4** //The art of men who have no enemies; Lincoln's guile// Try to see things from the other person's point of view. Try to understand why they are doing those things that sometimes bother you so much. When you see from their perspective you begin to forgive faster. You sympathize very well. When you sympathize with the other person and take their side these people become tractable, lenient, and even friendly. Men who can even magnanimously sympathize with their sworn enemies really have none. They will be respected even by them.

__**Man's Nature**__: -People and animals learn much more rapidly and retain what is learned far better when rewarded for good behavior. They slow, dull, and break when punished for bad behavior. -Hans Seyle: “As much as we thirst for approval, we dread condemnation.” William James: “The deepest principle in human nature is the craving for appreciation.” -Most people don't blame themselves for anything no matter how wrong they are. They just don't make themselves accountable to anyone. Even themselves. That means that they rarely self evaluate with any amount of clarity. Stubborn pride clinging on tightly to their self importance denies __any__ insinuation that they may be wrong. Even from themselves in some cases criticism is blocked. Human decadence is attached to pride in nearly every case. Because pride is so strong and so blinding to so many, criticism, which insults and agitates the prideful to no end, is a futile game. Its the fastest way to failure and being disliked. -We tend to be critical of other people and try to change them more than ourselves. This is a horribly common error for we are constantly critical of and trying to change others when it is ourselves alone that we have any real power to change. Additionally we are the ones who stand to benefit most from the the energy we traditionally spend trying to force improvement in others. It is a misconception born of pride. If we see no errors in ourselves than our problems must be the fault of others. They seldom are. We create most of our own problems. Even if we don't they are totally ours now! -The cause of most human cruelty and evil is a lack of perspective. We fail to see the ultimate consequences for ourselves and others. How can we make wise choices even for ourselves with such limited perspective? There is a popular phrase “To know all is to forgive all”. One of the greatest barriers to unity and peace and tolerance is the tendency to among humans to be shortsighted. If man sought understanding before judgment he would rarely fail. It is hellish pain when we do those two in reverse. -Actions spring from our fundamental desires. One of our most powerful desires is the desire to be important. To persuade others to act we must show them how to fulfill their desires by doing what we want of them or even create new desires in them fed by the fundamental cravings. We are creatures with a constant range of hungers. Our hungers motivate us, provoke actions from us, to feed the hungers which spawned them. Understand a person's cravings. Shape the way that they feed them and you can re-create the person. First we hunger for something and then we act. -humans are creatures of habit. We like to see familiarity. We like things to be predictable. We feel secure when they are. Uncertainty and disruption of the usual order of things bother us. -people see themselves as the heroes. Heroes are important and often popular. Even the roles of victim or villain can become a kind of hero-role in a person's mind. Few people really consider themselves common or average no matter what they say. This idea in each person that __they__ are the hero and __they__ are in the right (even when they clearly are not) is part of the innate desire in all of us to be important. It is what drives us all. It created civilization, technology, all our heroes, and all of our villains.

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