Teachings,+Points+of+Diplomacy

Points of Diplomacy
(Return to Teachings) (By Sam)(ael)

Just as a start, I would Highly recommend you buy a copy of 'How to Win friends and Influence people' by Dale Carnegie and read it cover to cover at least six times a little bit every day. It can change your life if you will let it. How to win friends and influence people is by my estimation the best possible text book for diplomacy if you will apply it, so I am going to be taking the basic sections and illuminating them a bit. What I say is my own and the rest is from the book's basic outline. I still recommend reading the book because the examples and explanations are beyond fantastic. If you would like more proof of it's excellence, go look at how many copies have been sold and for how many years.

**The Basics of Handling People**
(People resent you and hurt when you criticize them. Even if you are right about what you said you are only lining up trouble by critisizing. Think of it simply like this: if you Critisize EVER they will resist you until the foundations of hell break loose and heaven meets hearth. K?) (Appretiation is a GREAT way to live and a better way to deal with people in any situation. Even when they do something wrong, you can always find something positive or at least be quiet. Remember, some compliments will remain with you forever. Even small things said lightly can make you feel like a very good person for a very long time, and very importantly you usually appreciate and like the people who uplift you when they are around. Give the people around you every day some honest and sincere appreciation adn they will bend over backwards for you when you really need it.) (Remember, the best way to motivate people isn't to tell them you want it, its to make them really want it for themselves. People who want something will pursue it very determinedly. People following orders, not so much. Inspire a dream, show them the perks, make it worth their while to do what you want and you will encounter no resistance.)
 * -Don't critisize, condemn, or complain.**
 * -Give honest and sincere appreciation.**
 * -Arouse in others an eager Want.**

**Six ways to make people like you**
(People... Are interested, in people who are interested... in them. Learn to love people and care about them. Try to find things about them that really are interesting to you and capitolize on that interest to learn about them.) (Its proven, healthy and interesting people are the ones that are smiling, so smile! It's the power-suit of success for your whole attitude.) (Remember a person's name. Ask twice in the same conversation just to make sure, they won't be offended as long as you can remember the next time you meet. Remember to talk to people by using their name. It lets them know that you know who they are.) (People are mostly interested in themselves. Its the nature of all beings and it isn't all that bad a thing. Since you know this you will understand how good it feels for someone to just be able to talk about themselves for a long while to someone who is interested and understands. A good listener has friends.) (Remember, you are speaking different languages than most of the other people on earth. When a person talks, they are talking about themselves mostly. What they are saying is based on what they are interested in, what matters to them, and their basic needs. If you want to really communicate with someone: talk in terms of what they need, want, and feel is important. Talk to a dog about their bone or their flees, not your computer.) (Everyone is important. Thy don't actually need to earn it. Even a bum is important. Think about it in terms of honest appritiation. Most girls have something truely beautiful and unique about them if you will just take the time to look. Something pure and special about them that is all theirs. All people are like this. They have some quality or mannerism that is absolutely deadly in it's rarity and value. If you can find these very real gifts each person has and remember to really compliment the things thay are really good at, AKA accept and appreciate who they really are without requirements. They... will... love... you...)
 * -Become genuinely interested in other people.**
 * -Smile.**
 * -Remember that a person's name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language.**
 * -Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.**
 * -Talk in terms of the other person's interests.**
 * -Make the other person feel important and do it sincerely.**

**Winning people to your way of thinking**
(That is right. If people are arguing, don't join in. Even if you can batter the living daylights out of your opponents, and even if you are right the person on the other side will resent you whatever the conclusion is, and they might change their actions for a little while but they rarely change their mind and will later begin to resist again. Just avoid anything like an argument. Learn to casually and respectfully opt out.) (If you tell someone that they are wrong flat out, you are done. No matter how right you are, they stop listening and start resisting like their children's lives depended on it. If you EVER correct a person you should instead help them come to the conclusion if possible. Help them to agree with your idea instead of disagreeing with theirs. Say, "what do you think about this?" or "does that sound like a good/reasonable idea to you", or "what about this way, would that work better for you?".) (Anyone who can realize when they have been wrong and quickly admits it will actually come off looking even better and people will trust them more for it. Not only that but if you are wrong, do you really want to stay wrong? Admit it quickly and join the correct side and youwill do better all around. This is a power play and never defeat.) (Man, if a smile and a warm hand on the shoulder doesn't soften any blow. Imagine how it feels to get good news in a situation like that. Remember, if you go in guns blazing your opponents or friends will be picking up the signal that they should be resisting something that is about to come up. If you loosen people up with a friendly attitude they are much more likely to be helpful if they can.) (People are proven to say yes if they have already been saying yes a few times. Dramatically so. If you can lead into a request by getting them to agree a few time before to simpler clearer things, they will be much more inclined to put down a firm 'yes'.) (In pretty much all matters that involve talking letting the other person do most of the talking is giving you the advantage. Remember that when fools talk, your work is done for you. Remember that the guilty dog barks loudest, and remember that a wise man says few words but listens a lot. For some reason, a person who is allowed to talk a lot with only a few short replies or questions from the other person, usually comes around to seeing it the quiet person's way. Something about the magnetism and lure of a quiet and possibly wise person.) (If you can let the other person say it and then support the heck out of the idea you won't even have to bring it up. If you already brought it up than make an effort to make this idea really the other person's. If they are the ones who like it and want it and are committed to it. Your work is done and you sold that idea a lot better than you could have done by trying to convince them.) (Remember, you are often wrong yourself. We all make mistakes and there is so much we don't know. If you take the time to really figure out the other person's view, feelings, and motivations on a subject, you will have the information you need to help them see it your way. Plus you might just come off with a better idea than your own and a wiser man to boot.) (A person is always right to feel the way they do. most emotionaly mistakes are just that. Mistakes. Even if you don't agree remember that they should be understood. Remember how common and important your own desires and ideas are.) (People will often be noble if you give them a chance. We all like to be heroes. Not many little boys ever quite decide that they DON'T want to be a hero. Just don't make it all about moral obligation because that tires them out. Instead, offer them a chance to be valiant and they will usually come through.) (If you can make an idea or a dream come alive and dramatically present it for others to see you have no idea how sold just about anyone can be in seconds. Make it real and fascinating and magical and totally spectacular in scope and people will want to put their mark on that.) (Sometimes when something hard comes up, the best way to motivate them is to throw down a challenge. Say: I bet you can't or can do better than this! If you can attach a reward to the end but it should never be what it's actually worth or you could just buy the service anyway. Make rewards for a successful challenge accepted something that will be really appreciated but not a real drain on finances. Most people will rise to a challenge when there isn't much else to use for motivation.)
 * -The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.**
 * -Show respect for the other person's oppinions. Never say "you're wrong".**
 * -If you are wrong, admit it quickly, and emphatically.**
 * -Begin in a friendly way.**
 * -Get the other people saying "Yes, Yes" immediately.**
 * -Let the other person do a great deal of the talking.**
 * -Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers.**
 * -Try honestly to see things from the other person's point of view.**
 * -Be sympathetic with the other person's ideas and desires.**
 * -Appeal to the nobler motives.**
 * -Dramatize your ideas.**
 * -Throw down a challenge.**