ooa,+Sam)(ael,+dark+4

Sam)(ael Dark 4
(Sam)(ael ooa Assignments)


 * Sam)(ael**


 * __Assignment__: Write at least 4 paragraphs explaining your journey from the beginning of your path towards enlightenment to where you are now. In previous assignments, you had to answer: What area's have you succeeded in tremendously? Now, you must answer the following question: Why do you think that these area's are the ones you've succeeded in, where others you have not?**

I suppose the beginning is important if you can learn from it. I usually avoid it though. Not so much for the skeletons in my closet but for the extreme uselessness. I spend my youth as an outsider in a lot of ways. I always found friends but I never quite fit in. Not because I couldn't but I certainly didn't care about the things other people did. I also didn't buy into a lot of the social crap young kids and eventually 40 year old kids just expect should matter to you.

From the beginning I was also pretty eager to change myself and I hit a lot of blocks. My ability to control myself was frustrating partly because I expected so much, and parly because some things really do take you a while to get over. All things are possible with faith and determination, but that is not an instant promise. It can take time.

Much like in this lesson I learned better the more I grew to do a little today and let tomorrow come. I realized that my only chance of being something I wanted to be was to be it right now. So eight years later I have become a Gray Jedi and now I am all my own since my Master Died and left me a Master. I once more have this important point before me. An intersection of life's possabilities. Whichever way I go might be the final direction of my life.

I 'was' a master but I felt like a student still, so I set off to earn it. Another 3 years later I am here today. I have stepped steadily to that beat and I still have things I must exercise my self control to accept about where I am now. Recently I Have realized even more the spiritual nature of my calling in this life here and I am turning my abilities toward those ends. A little at a time, like you have pointed out.

Today is tomorrow's forcast.

Things I have succeeded tremendously in: -Being Kind I think that despite the treatment I sometimes disliked and the general apathy of the world we each have some special quality that can allow us to suspend the harsh reality for a better one. When I notice people in need of kindness I rarely hesitate. It may be assisted by my willful rebellion against the vanity of society. So many people preach all about society's benefits and so many just accept things as they are or even expect them to conform to the ideas they have created of what is normal. Something in me is deeply insulted when I am expected to just fit into some box with a label so someone else can have some peace of mind. I create a better world. These people preach about giving and then ignore their own children or just expect their friends to survive tragedy and fit back into their box as fast as possible. I mean Really!

-Surviving In my life especially (or perhaps just in normal measures?) Things have been exemplified by the saying 'Its laugh or cry'. I cried believe me. I shed every tear I had pretty early in life but I think when the rubber hits the road and you are either going to get up or lay down and die the people who lay down are already dead. I guess I chose life. Maybe this doesn't fit the lesson but it was my nature that helped me survive. My ability to lash out at overwhelming forces with defiance till my last breath.

-Being Fair to others This one was partially in my nature and partially chosen. As a smart kid I quickly realized how easy it was to take advantage of people. Being me I chose and perhaps even needed some transcending fairness in an unfair world. So I chose to be fair and honorable despite modern trends. I suppose defiance was the thing that lead to all of my greatest successes with perhaps a bit of purity of heart. I could have resisted anything but I seem to choose evils and misdeeds rather than resisting other things.

-Curbing my evil tendencies Once again, probably a bit of purity and a lot of defiance. I do not like being controlled by anything that I have not accepted willingly. That includes my own nature. Having written all of this I begin to understand that perhaps my resistance of my own weaknesses might be aggravating them more than curing. In a way, its resisting myself.


 * Enli**

Hey Sam)(ael,

A great and wonderful assignment. Really made me not only reflect upon your writings, but my own motivations.
 * **QUOTE** ||
 * From the beginning I was also pretty eager to change myself and I hit a lot of blocks. My ability to control myself was frustrating partly because I expected so much, and parly because some things really do take you a while to get over. All things are possible with faith and determination, but that is not an instant promise. It can take time. ||

Our subconscious is known as the "Dirty Devil" to a lot of psychologists, due to its unknown nature. Things that were said or done to us as children can effect us in major and minor ways, especially on our take of the world.

Let me use an example from personal testimony. When I was five years old, I saw my dad abusing my mother once. He slapped her across the face. But my mind thought it was too much to handle, so it blocked it from my memory for the longest time. I realized that instead of spanking, I would slap my brothers and sisters when they were in trouble. The night after my mother confronted me on the issue, I remembered the moment I saw my dad slap my mom.

There were three steps that I remember taking that helped me rid myself of these unknown habits.

First Step: Awareness. The reason why many individuals don't believe in the Force, or the idea that one can become greater than they are now, is due to their childhood experiences. We all have had to grow up in this world, and understand that its not child-friendly. We've come to learn that "2+2=4" and four is the only truth, and in order to be accepted into society, we all must believe in "four."

Its when we get out of this "Four" mentality and turn our habits into a "2 plus 2 can also equal 2/8" mentality, we began to realize that truth is sincerely up to interpretation. My truth can be four, your truth can be 2/8ths. They are both correct, but they are seen differently.

When we look at the world, things that go up must come down. Things that are thrown towards a wall will hit the wall.

What are some realities that you have subconsciously accepted that you believe may be blocking you from fully achieving who you need to become? Are their any childhood experiences? When answering these questions, don't just click "Post Reply", but take a breather, go outside, lay on your bed, and truly think about the things that may be inside you that you aren't aware of.

Second Step: New Habits. Our beliefs are based upon our habits. The things we do daily are the things we believe to be okay, in some small manner. We lie to ourselves, telling ourselves that this is okay if... Its not okay if. We began to use "If" statements to justify our bad habits.

"If I'm stressed, I'll have a cigarette." "If I'm with friends, I'll get drunk." These "If" statements began to shape our beliefs.

If our habits shape our beliefs, and our beliefs shape our abilities to use the force, we must than create newer and better habits. Its often said to simply replace bad habits with new habits, but in reality, this is harder than can be said. We become attached to these habits out of our desire to be comfortable.

What are some comfort zones that you believe may be hazardous to your lifestyle, and your ability to use the force? What are new habits that you may become accustomed to in order to replace your old habits?

Third: Practice. When we create new habits, we don't simply say "I have a new habit," and it exists. We must practice these new habits daily, to replace our desire for the old ways. We must understand, though, the triggers of our old habits so we can replace them with new triggers.

To return to my personal example: I realized that the trigger that made me slap someone was my anger, but also when another talked back to me. Because my father didn't let anyone speak back to him, I didn't let anyone speak back to me, or else I'd slap them.

What are some triggers that cause you to be apart of your old habits? How can you replace these with new triggers to create new, better habits?


 * **QUOTE** ||
 * Today is tomorrow's forcast. ||

As students in this thing called Life, we all must remember that we don't own tomorrow. And we must remember that we must not let the past own us. Though the above altruism is true, we must live today. We cannot prepare so much for tomorrow that today was not taken advantage of.

A common phrase I hear a lot is "The objective of life is to live. Unfortunately, not many learn how to." Today is the day that you can believe in. Tomorrow may not exist for you. The past no longer exists, unless you let it.

How do you think you can live in today, and prepare for tomorrow at the same time? Do you believe there are advantages to preparation? Disadvantages?


 * **QUOTE** ||
 * In a way, its resisting myself. ||

Our emotions are our nature. We cannot deny our anger, frustration, unbeneficial tendencies no more than we can deny the virtues of patience, kindness, goodwill in our lives. These things are a part of us. We must learn, though, that whatever we feed will grow.

We will always have anger. We will always have unfortunate tendencies. This isn't about getting rid of these things. Its about controlling them. Unfortunately, many Jedi orders believe in the destruction of these things. This only makes you unnatural, and unable to truly become aware of yourself.

You will continue to resist yourself until you began to accept yourself, and learn how to control these emotions. Whatever you feed will grow. The idea here is, in every decision, to choose to feed patience, kindness, and goodwill, and these will grow. Eventually you'll be so accustomed to these virtues, that you won't desire to feed the destructive tendencies. These will not die, though.

If you were to destroy these, you would not have choice. You would lose your freewill. This would destroy any type of growth.

What tendencies do you think you are resisting instead of simply accepting and learning how to control?

Good Job, Sam)(ael. I always look forward to reading your lessons.

Master EnLi


 * Sam)(ael**

Wow that was a very good example. I notice a lot of things drifting from my parents to me. At the same time I am also very aware of them and I am quite rebellious enough to just dump whatever I don't actually agree with or find useful.


 * **QUOTE** ||
 * What are some realities that you have subconsciously accepted that you believe may be blocking you from fully achieving who you need to become? ||

I think in some ways still, after hitting those blocks so many times I somewhere accepted on a deeper level that changing myself is impossible. In order to cope with that 'reality' I have been forced to learn how to be sneaky about improving myself or focus on other things that come to the same ends.

I also have a permanent guilt complex on two levels. Firstly (I still don't know why) every time I am asked something or say something, whether or not I am absolutely shure it is correct, I feel like I am lying. Seriously, all of the reactions in your body, the 'gives' function as if I am lying. Not sure why.

Secondly I have to consciously remind myself that I am a good person. I am doing an excellent job and I have overcome addictions and problems that many people just don't survive or ever get out of. Still. So used to guilt-tripping myself or being guilt tripped that the burden of being not such a good person sometimes still creeps in and I have to wake up and think if there is a real reason or if I am just reverting back to the old days.


 * **QUOTE** ||
 * Are their any childhood experiences? ||

At about 11 I developed a split personality. I never told my parents and I eventually returned to being a whole but that would be the only lasting event that may have really shaped me. I watch every thought as if it might not always be my own, I am capable of thinking in two entirely different directions at once (something I think we all could do but lack experience in, I was able to mimic it from the split and it is quite useful), I also have a lot of memories from what the split actually said. He was a lunatic but he knew things about how people behave and how life goes and all kinds of other things that never really left.


 * **QUOTE** ||
 * What are some comfort zones that you believe may be hazardous to your lifestyle, and your ability to use the force? ||

ANY comfort zone. By nature I am an exceptionally lazy person. I require a task and regular new experiences or difficulties to be happiest. In order to be healthy, which translates to my ability with the force.


 * **QUOTE** ||
 * What are new habits that you may become accustomed to in order to replace your old habits? ||

I have noticed (As you said with 'what we feed grows') that one of my own particular strength which is compassion and kindness is a key to all good habits. It is in my nature to stop and help, to defend those who can't care for themselves. Some of my most valuable friendships and investments have been in this line of thought, feelings, and actions.

To be more specific, to conquere my laziness I have developed a love of learning and teaching, and a strong work ethic and desire to serve others. It keeps me going the extra mile, not only to learn for myself but to share and take care of others.

With guilt, I am learning to love myself. That is going to be a long road. Very hard for me, but I am turning that compassion and mercy on myself and starting to realize that I myself might just deserve a little of my own love and care. Maybe it isn't indulgence to take care of myself and stand up for myself against some of the self loathing that seems in my nature.


 * **QUOTE** ||
 * What are some triggers that cause you to be a part of your old habits? ||

Relaxing in any setting bt actually at church or on a church task. Usually any place I let my guard down that isn't a constructively good situation will be a problem with being lazy which in turn feeds my other problems.


 * **QUOTE** ||
 * How can you replace these with new triggers to create new, better habits? ||

Usually I just stay aware and alert except in safe or relatively safe situations and I try to stay always busy with something. I will admit that at times my lazy side gets it's fangs in, but even when I give in and goof off in a video game or something that I wouldn't really be proud of or doesn't accomplish something good, I must admit. I am very constructive with those games. They end up neat as a tack.


 * **QUOTE** ||
 * How do you think you can live in today, and prepare for tomorrow at the same time? ||

Like you said, you only have today. So the trick which I live by and exemplify in the statement 'today is tomorrow's forcast' is that anything I do today is setting a habit for tomorrow.

My day has several parts. I wake up get dressed and ready and brushmy teeth and hair, blah, blah, blah. (Take care of my daily needs) Then I take care of the tasks I need to get done specifically for today. Bills, paperwork, errands, calls and organization of future events.

Then I Spend time making sure I am increasing the important things in my life. Usually I make sure and study several sets of the scriptures and then I pick an area to lear in and I go study and figure it out. Sometimes the learning is just picking a difficult project and figuring it out. Then I usually create a lesson in my holocron on what I learned if it applies. I also make time for RJK, and my various other learning areas and keep up on politics and philosophy and teaching and basically Jedi and Adult subjects that I appreciate and might use.

Whenever I have a shot I usually make time for my family now. I won't be around them all that much longer. It is important to me that they know how much I believe in Jesus and that they can depend on me because I love them.


 * **QUOTE** ||
 * Do you believe there are advantages to preparation? Disadvantages? ||

Absolutely Advantages and no disadvantages if you prepare right. I have a philosophy called 'getting smart' where before getting into anything that I have time to prepare for I go get some information and facts and basic history on the subject.

If I am going to a museum, I might find out what the most interesting sections are, what is new, a little history on the museum, and other unique facts. I do that with people I am going to meet, and projects I am getting started with others. I find that it is fun to learn, interesting to share, and can be very helpful for the project itself. You never know what fact will help you get an edge.

I once toured a missile museum and in the 'getting smart' process learned that my grandfather spent a large portion of his military career holding the trigger on one of the missile silos just like these. Naturally I was able to learn things that the tour guide didn't know and we got along very well and talked for something like three hours after the tour. I now have an offer to take a free tour (with a free group) which I used for my brother's scouting trip.


 * **QUOTE** ||
 * What tendencies do you think you are resisting instead of simply accepting and learning how to control? ||

Actually, since I started getting my need for perfection in order I think I have been very balanced. That need for perfection became quite a tool when I turned it away from myself and poured it into my work and projects.

I also very much look forward to these lessons.