Teachings,+Listening

Listening
(By Sam)(ael) (Return to Social Skills) Many people have never been taught to listen but the success of some who naturally liked to listen to other people quickly cures the wise of this ignorance quickly. When it comes to diplomacy you should not think of Listening as a small or simple skill. It may seem simple (and it is) but it can be enlarged upon as a fine art until entire situations are resolved without a single word.

The Flattery
Lets face it. We like to be listened to! People who pay attention to us and stay interested flatter us. Even as a Master long aware of this I still feel very honored and good when even just one student will really listen to me and let me help them. Even if I was talking about how to cook pancakes I would feel just as flattered by a steady and appreciative listener. It is in our nature and this is a great way to make friends. People who talk a lot get ignored a lot, but someone with a strong presence who decides to listen when they could talk usually makes quite a good impression. When you listen remember to be sincerly interested in what you are listening to. When you learn to be truely interested in other people you will find friends at every level.

The Care
When you take the time to truely be interested in another person and listen to them without having to talk it creates the feeling that you really do care. You can't fake this, that is not the point of listening. The point of this is that it communicates louder than words that you care and this inspires trust. If they feel like you really are hearing them and paying attention, they usually can't help but think you will also agree. After all, it makes sense to them right? When you show that you care people will loosen up even more than when you have only flattered.

The Personal Wisdom
When any person, especially someone who has the right to speak chooses instead to listen it makes them seem very wise. There is a good reason behind this. Rash people try to solve disputes by talking people into it. They try to verbally force a solution which is offensive and cannot really work because the parties involved will resent the negotiator who tries this. It is important for us to present ourselves as models of wisdom and fairness. When a person can trust you they will work with you. Listening is an excellent way to inspire all of the elements of trust if you use it wisely.

Understanding
Listening is not all about a first impression though that helps. Part of it's goal is to help you to actually understand. There is an old saying that you can only hear what you are listening for. Here are some things to listen for when someone is talking to you. -Their desires -Their fears -Their character and dependability -The reasons for what they are saying -The actual logical meaning of what is being said and the meanings it is transfering.

Respect
Being able to respect others can be important to you in many areas. When you are training under a Master, when you are talking with parents or grandparents, or even people you much admire. One profound way to show true respect is to listen carefully and astutely to what these people we respect are saying. As if we expected a million dollars if we could repeat and show we understand what was said and why.

Learning
Listening is mandatory for many kinds of learning. Remember that listening is a form of observation and that is the main way thinking creatures like monkeys and little kids learn huge amounts of informaion.

Weaknesses
Sadly this can also be used to expose weaknesses. This should mostly be used to help friends watch their backs but in some cases it is alright to listen to opponents with the intent to destroy.