Teachings,+good+manners

Good Manners
(Kai Stormwalker)

What are Good Manners?

Every culture has evolved with slightly different interpretations of good manners but the basic principles are the same. Good manners are a significant part of who you are. They are about civility, mutual respect and shared values. A society without these three is not a society at all but a civil war zone. Modern manners are about how we live our lives in society today. Included in this are the shared ethics and a moral code which evolves from our shared values of:

common decency social & cultural respect hard work kindness, compassion & charity courtesy & politeness

Put together these represent a genuine care and concern for others, where privacy is respected, power is not abused and forgiveness is key. The following can be applied to just about every occasion, just about every time. There will always be rare exceptions. It is not easy to get them all right all of the time at first. Start by taking the rules one or two at a time and make them your normal practice.

1. Greetings: Shake hands firmly. Use full names and titles unless invited to use first names. Introduce strangers to each other.

2. Good Hygiene. Bathe/shower daily. Keep your hair clean. At puberty you should start to use and antipersperent/deoderant. Cover your mouth with your elbow when coughing; don’t pick nose, ears, hands, nails or anywhere else. No fidgeting, scratching and readjusting clothing. Gum chewing should be done in private.

3. Timekeeping. Puncuality demonstrates both respect and self-control. Arrive on time, be interested in what is going on and stay to a natural conclusion. There is no excuse for getting this one wrong without being RUDE barring a major personal disaster.

4. Be Discreet. Balance appropriate interest with apparent nosiness. Do not get involved in gossip and speculation about what you might see, hear, say or do. Unless the individual brings it to you you should regard it as private and certainly not a topic of conversation.

5. Body Language. A significant part of the communication process. Be careful to give out the right messages. Good manners dictate that you should sit up straight with your feet on the floor with a ready smile and general good humor. Gentlemen sit with their legs together.

6. Personal space. Judge it well. The amount depends on the circumstances but do not violate other people’s personal space. As a general rule leave 12-15 inches of space between you and another person at a social gathering and more at a less intimate event. Watch the person you are speaking to, if they move back, it will be their instinct suggesting you are too close and you should stand back a little.

7. Money. Pay your share of a group bill. At social occasions it would be rude to work out and pay only your own individual costs. The highest spenders might want to leave the tip, that would display real good modern manners. If you are a guest at a function/event then you must reciprocate at a suitable point. It does not have to be dollar for dollar. Do something within your means. You must thank the host/ess of a private function.

8. Gifts. Receive with grace and give with thought. If you are given a gift, accept it with grace, take a moment to look at it and admire it. If you give a gift, be thoughtful. A good idea is to give something that you would like to receive yourself. Gifts do not have to be expensive, indeed the gitf must not embarrass the recipient by its generosity. The thought really does mean more than the cost.

9. Basic Good Table Manners. These are so important. Eat and drink quietly. Elbows in and off the table. Pace your eating. Converse with all the other guests, but not with your mouth full, compliment the cook, thank the hostess. Good table manners show you care about yourself and other people around you because you take the trouble not to offend. Table manners are also based on the best, most sensible way to do things. Table manners show you have self-discipline and a respect of community. Making a mistake at the table is just that, a mistake, it is not the end of the world and a good host will not even notice. But be aware of what is going on around you. If you are the only person who is dunking their roll in their soup it would be a good idea to discreetly stop.

10. Lipstick & Perfume. Be careful not to leave lipstick on cups and glasses. Discreetly wipe it away with a napkin or paper tissue if you do. When food or drink is involved in a gathering you should wear only gentle perfumes. Also, remember that many people are allergic to perfumes so yours should never be overpowering.

11. Dress Codes. Remember, it is always better to be overdressed than underdressed.

12. Borrowing. ‘Neither a borrower or lender be.’ If you do borrow anything it should be returned as soon as possible and in the same or better condition as you received it.

13. Fun & Games. Have fun and enjoy yourself at social gatherings but follow local customs and traditions. It is better to follow any legitimate local rules than to get into arguments. Always be polite and respectful of others.

14. Please & Thank You. Never leave an event without saying thank you. Always acknowledge an act of kindness. No excuses, just do it. If you are invited in writing a written thank you is essential.

15. Electronic Communications & Games. Be aware of the time and place for these things. At the very least switch them to silent and go easy on the keys. Better still switch them off. If you must take or make a call go outside or to another room. Games should never be played when there are other people present.

16. Respect for Others. Open doors for other people, whatever sex, and let them through ahead of you. If someone opens a door for you say ‘Thank you.’ Women open doors for men these days, it’s not about gender it’s about consideration. Give up your seat for someone who looks in need of it, whatever sex. Receive such kindnesses with grace and charm and say, ‘Thank you.’ You might be secretly offended that the giver thinks you are more in need of the seat, don’t be, take the seat and be polite. Say, ‘Excuse me’ if you have to interrupt someone from what they are doing. Demonstrate respect for old, young, male, female, everyone at all times.